My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize