just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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