You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
