Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
