I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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