Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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