broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
