I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need a beard to bite.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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