Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
