I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
