I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
