So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
