dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm always down for nudity.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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