i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
