threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The power of my boobs compel you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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