It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
