As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
