i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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