please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
