I puked a lego.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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