yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
NoShamevember. You game?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
