can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
