All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize