My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
