omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
