I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
