Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
