We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
