I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
