Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
