She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
