I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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