you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Found the puke drawer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
