oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
