my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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