Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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