i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
