The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
