omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
