Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
