He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
