Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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