she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
