i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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