have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Come see our sink grown plant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
