The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
