I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
