4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
