How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize