Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
