i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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