just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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