Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
