I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
operation harelip BJ is a go
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
