either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize