When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
