The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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