Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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