I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
