If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
