If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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