well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
