It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
