Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
